I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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