I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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