wakey wakey hands off snakey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
