He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
