a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
