I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we should paint friendship bongs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
