He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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