dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
