i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want to make out with him forever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
