Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
