I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
