You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
