Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
