i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
