my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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