I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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