Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize