all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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