Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
