After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
