Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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