$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
