I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
