the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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