I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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