is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
