She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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