Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
