my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
