they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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