I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
