Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't deserve a penis
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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