I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
