Do you still have your period?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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