they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
