Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
