Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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