we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
where are my eyebrows?
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