I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
