I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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