Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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