a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
