I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
