The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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