he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
