you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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