How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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