I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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