How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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