You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
