I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
