She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
