I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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