On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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