I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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