i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
