God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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