Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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