he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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