I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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