i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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