Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
