I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
