Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
