Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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