The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think people are normalizing furries
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
