I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
