im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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