So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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