He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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