OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
