They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
